So I realize this is a bit of a late pass, but my life has been in a sort of constant transition in the last couple weeks, so I’m going to try and catch up on some stuff I meant to write over the next few days.

First off, these are both just fantastic. That out of the way, here are a few reasons.

One, it’s been a bit of a rough year for the Wu in my eyes. Sure, they had the (sort of) critically acclaimed (sort of) album a few months back, but they’re like the only group in hip-hop that can get away with calling weird tangential projects like those albums under the same brand name. Aside from that, Raekwon (and countless others) have been needlessly beefing with Joe Budden, Gza has just been baiting young rappers by the bound for even less apparent reason, Ghost has been putting out a mediocre Ron Browz feature and a similalry rousing lead single, but then these gems come through and (albeit temporarily) save the day.

One of the greatest things about these dudes is the shit they can pull off when they’re not taking themselves even slightly seriously. Half their raps feel like that, most of O.D.B.’s television appearances obviously felt like that, Ghost’s persona has walked this line on many occasions, the Red & Meth albums: and nothing says not taking themselves too seriously like these goofy-ass covers. I could expound on my love for Chekwon or scantily-clad Oz for a lot more words here, but I’ll let you find your own affection for the respective mixtape/album covers. All I know is, something feels right again now that silliness reigns in Wu’ville.

These cards actually have Pablo Noriega on speed dial

If you thought the corrections officer “Perfect Attendance” award was a controversy, then have we got a smoking gun for you (see what we did there?).*

This news story had largely been flying under the radar, but after some extensive research (read: several Google searches and an ad we saw while half-awake on a subway) we’ve got this exclusive scoop for the people.

BSS is admittedly (and frankly embarrassingly) a bit behind the times when it comes to the hierarchy of international calling cards. We got Skype a few years back and sort of figured, well, that’s that. But we’ve recently discovered some pretty interesting things about the world’s number one international calling card company that happen to have some very convenient connections with a certain Def Jam artist.

The Boss card (yes, it’s really called that, because who wouldn’t want a card that says BOSS in giant glossy letters) has set the standard in the international phone-card industry since 2003, obviously implying they’ve been in existence for at least a few years before then. Rick Ross was discovered in 2000 by Suave House (haven’t heard that name in a while huh?). Coincidence? Maybe. But first, let us lay out some facts for you.

Fact, the biggest knock on Ross’ career (sans the potential Ross/Birdman collabo album) to many is the discovery that he was a corrections officer in the state of Florida for several years before trilla was even a fake word. Fact, this probably wouldn’t be such a big deal if his entire rap persona wasn’t based on being “the biggest boss that you’ve seen thus far” and infamously claiming to have Pablo Noriega on speed dial fur use during his everyday hustling. Think about it, would we really care if we found out Mos Def was a cop for a few years before Black On Both Sides? Maybe a few Internet gangstas would hate, but I think most of us would just be like ‘Damn, did that guys vocational aptitude test in high school have like a novel’s worth of results?” Well what if all these contradictions in Ross’ past have one simple explanation his PR team was just too embarrassed to report.

Yes, Ross makes songs about cocaine (see: “Rich Off Cocaine” for example), but who doesn’t nowadays. As The FADER accurately stated recently, pretty much all his songs are about girls, cars and boats these days. And there just aren’t enough quality songs about boats, so play on playa. But much of the disapproval comes from his bold “boss” claims and the semi-ridiculous speed-dial remark. However, when you look at it in connection with the phone card company, it all starts to come together.

What if Ricky got in on this widely growing company early in the game (a la his famous sparring partner and Vitamin Water) and much of the beginning of his hip-hop career was a combination of reaping the benefits on sponsorship and shameless self-promotion on the part of the folks at Boss. He’s the “biggest boss” because not only is he a part of their company, but their biggest customer. And he has Pablo Noriega on speed dial because why not? BOSS’s rates from Florida Cuba are pretty fantastic ($1.50 a minute!), throw the whole family into that address book.

Somewhere along the way it can be assumed the company realized the company realized a rapper solely pushing phone-cards probably wouldn’t garner much cultural pull (you think that Orbit “dirty mouth guy is the next Dizzee Rascal?) and went with more of a subliminal tactic in hopes of a bigger payoff at the end, but the timeline is all there.

So now that this is out of the bag once and for all, we hope that next year when a fourth consecutive Rick Ross album inexplicably goes number one you’ll be able to accept it as the assumedly mediocre rap album it is, without worrying about the man’s past, present or future. Yes, under his drivers license and 19 credit cards may lie a C.O. certificate, but we also know there’s a shiny yellow and green card with four capital letters, and no one can argue with block letters.

*For the sake of not being sued by BOSS or Def Jam, this is all, of course, hypothetical at this point, and generally unfounded.

All dressed up and only twelve places to go...

So I wrote this feature for The Tripwire about Camera Obscura a brief while ago, and it’s up on their website now. Aside from some technical difficulties it was a pretty enjoyable experience, and I thought the artwork (which I can take no credit for) turned out great. We talk a lot about David Lynch and misconceptions about the meanings of their music. Check it out if you get a chance.

Much love,
Adam

Camera Obscura: The Little Blue Key (The Tripwire)

Don't let the outfit fool you, I'll knock your block back to 1972 (where you can buy me another pair of these pants).

O.P.B(logs). is a section where we take a look at just that: Other People’s Blogs. We use this as a forum to point out other fine folks ballin’ outta control on their blog game , and we sometimes add our own cent or two to the discussion (we can’t be guaranteeing two cents — recessions hit hard, people).

So this weekend The Smoking Section did a list of Andre 3000′s top 5 hard-ass verses of all time. I took the time to read it part because I’m a sucker for just about anything related to Outkast, but also because I thought it was a sort of novel concept. If you could view a lineup of the 50 or so best rappers in the game, Andre Benjamin might be the least likely candidate to come and lyrically smack you down, unless your biggest fear in life happens to be prep football stars from the 1920s. But that’s also part of what makes him work so well on every level, much less on the rare occasions when he does get all riled up. His hard rhymes aren’t postured on an entire thug persona complete with fabricated backstory and urban fashion line, it’s just Dre and his lyrical mastery.

TSS’s list, which is mostly early to mid Outkast catologue material, is definitely worth checking out. Highlighting this period of the duo’s career seems logical as it’s largely the portion most folks get nostalgic for as we wait around in agony for a new album. But one verse that always struck me as a fitting example of Andre’s combination of tenacity, individuality and downright silliness was his guest spot on Rich Boy’s “Throw Some D’s” remix. Granted, it’s hard to take a song with a Jim Jones verse that includes the line “I got a chest cold and I might sneeze on the bitch” too seriously, but Dre comes hard. This sequence in particular always stuck with me.

“But if you wanna try it, sucker, now then we can do it
Ha ha sleep, Tylenol PM if I pull it
Sh-sh-sheep, count ‘em for the rest of ya life
Yeah yeah, ya partner got away but now he vegetable-like
So so, I sent his mom and dad a whole case of V8
He can die, any second, how much long it’s gon’ take?”

He’s on some rare form cold shit like we’ve rarely seen in the post-”Hey Ya,” happy-go lucky, plaid-suited Dre,  but the V8 line brings a sort of humor to it like he could do these things if he was really in the mood, but why would he want to when he’s got on such a fun silly hat? His flow also makes it sound like he’s just sitting on the beach somewhere effortlessly churning out these rhymes, and  this makes it all the more impressive. But mostly, anyone that can make predominantly tomato-based juice gangsta can tuck not one, but several feathers in their cap in BSS’s book. Log out.

Andre 3000′s 5 Hardest Verses [The Smoking Section]

We here at BSS have sort of been rocking out to that new Bacardi commercial that uses Matt & Kim‘s “Daylight”* all week. At first we had to chickity check ourselves for rocking out to a Bacardi commercial, but then we realized the song still totally bangs and the whole “they sold out to those corporate whores at Outback Steakhouse” spiel was so 2004. Like these haters didn’t secretly want a Bloomin’ Onion before they even deleted their illegally downloaded copies of The Sunlandic Twins.

The thing with “Daylight” is that it’s not really about mojitos at all, but it made that party seem quite delightful, and would surely be nice background music to such a beverage. But it got us thinking, what are the best songs that blame it on specific types of alcohol? Here’s our list of the best 10, with the catch that only one song can make the cut per specific type of alcohol (i.e. “Whiskey Girl” & “Whiskey Bottle” would not be allowed to each have a place on said list). Feel free to disagree with us or tell us we must have been drunk for not choosing _______________.

10. “Constructive Summer” – The Hold Steady

This category was tough. Whiskey is timeless, and therefore deservedly has decades worth of quality songs about it. This is generally a new school list so we narrowed it down to the philosophical whiskey ballad (Uncle Tupelo’s “Whiskey Bottle”), the easy-times chill rooftop whiskey jam (Memphis’s “Incredibly Drunk On Whiskey”) and this one. But then we realized how well whiskey can set the tone for an evening, just like this song set the tone for a whole album (and for that matter, a whole band) as Craig Finn proclaims: “Me and my friends are like/ Double whiskey, Coke, no ice.”

9. “Pass The Courvoisier (Pt. II)” – Busta Rhymes f/ Diddy & Pharell

Don’t this list make my people wanna jump jump!

8. Strawberry Wine – Deana Carter

There’s a certain inherent element of creepiness to the alcohol-infused love song (like how “Blame It” is sort of affably able to tread the thin line between what people are really thinking at the club and… date rape), and this awkward allusion to Deana’s first time with a young farmworker definitely makes its home in that element. Maybe she was mature for 17, but the line “I was caught somewhere between a woman and a child” sure isn’t all that comforting. But hey, at least he had a car.

7. “Silver & Gold” – T-Pain**

T-Pain’s ode to his perfectly uncreative combo drink (Silver Patron + Gold Patron = Silvergold Patron) earns a spot for being a homage to alcohol with a straight-up jack of a Kirk Franklin gospel jam. Two point for irreverence, Teddy (unfortunately Franklin didn’t share our enthusiasm).

6. “Jockey Full Of Bourbon” – Tom Waits

No one’s persona in music or film seems more built around the constant blurred line between sober and drunk quite like Mr. Waits. His voice even makes us feel buzzed. And this might be his most direct example.

5. “Hennessey” – 2Pac

Brown bottle role model!

4. “Tequila Sunrise” – The Eagles

Even the new school needs a slightly older friend, and this timeless Eagles classic provides just that with a shot of courage. Although, whenever we drink tequila it never feels this smooth or peaceful.

3. Malt Liquor Medley tie: “40 Ounces To Freedom” – Sublime/”Brass Monkey” – Beastie Boys/”Pass The 40” – Black Sheep/”85”- Youngbloodz & Big Boi

Ah, the joys of malt liquor! You had us at $1.99. Some people might be a bit surprised by the prevalence of art dedicated to the budget beverage, but they obviously didn’t go to college with us, or ever live in a neighborhood with a stoop, or hang out at our apartment last week. Also, we just realized the plotline to “85″ reminds us a lot of Charles Barkley’s notable quotables from his drunk-driving arrest.

2. “Gin and Juice” – Snoop Dogg

Do we really need to say anything about this one? Best ongoing ad campaign Seagram’s never had to pay for.

1. “The Ice of Boston” – The Dismemberment Plan

Lots of songs can be about alcohol, but this song actually wreaks of it. In the opening moments Travis Morrison pops open another bottle of bubbly and toasts with us while navigating through a sea of drunk Bostonians. And as we go from here we get to ride along with Morrison’s shouting buzz: nudity, Gladys Knight, self-deprecating honesty and all. Here’s to another goddamn New Year indeed.

*The actual video for “Daylight” is unsurprisingly much better than a commercial and worth your three minutes. You should watch it here.

**Yes, we realize Patron is also tequila, but we feel it’s become ubiquitous enough as a musical muse to warrant a distinction.

"On Wednesdays we wear pink."

The New York Times, with its finger firmly on the pulse of the day’s important issues, dares to ask the question on no one’s mind: Does Hogwarts have a drinking problem? (Sidenote: Yes, I get bored during work, and yes, sometimes that leads me to read the NYT health blog.) Basically, Harry and his friends get crunk in the new movie and some parents are concerned this sets a bad example for their darling Muggle children. It also contains the shocking revelation that children laugh at drunk-acting people. (“As the mother of a 10-year-old Harry Potter fan, I was taken aback by the reaction of the young people in the theater. They snickered at Hermione’s goofy grin and, later, guffawed when an inebriated Hagrid passed out.” Yeah, because it was HILARIOUS.)

Like the patriotic Americans we are, BSS also saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince last week, and honestly, just like the dismayed parents in this article, it wasn’t what we were expecting. Which is to say, it played much more like the awesome PG Hogwarts version of American Pie than a kids’ movie about wizards, and we were reminded of this today when reading this article. (And let’s be real: if you were charged with saving the wizarding world from evil incarnate, wouldn’t you need to get wasted from time to time too?)

So the latest Harry Potter, surprisingly, featured more awkward, vaguely sexual jokes than we could have anticipated, the highlight of which was undoubtedly the exchange between Ron and Harry after Harry and Ginny put the Half-Blood Prince’s potions book in the Room of Requirement and subsequently got their mack on. (Ron: “Did you guys do it?” Harry: “Excuse me?” Ron: “You know, hide the book.”) That moment alone was worth the $10.50 (damn East Coast prices!) admission fee. I don’t even care that it wasn’t in the book.

In honor of awkward innuendo and questionable, potentially underage drinking, we got to thinking about our love of the true classics of the teen movie genre, which inevitably feature both as major plot points (here’s looking at you, Can’t Hardly Wait), and decided a little match-up was in order.

Harry Potter and the Teen Movie Archetypes, after the jump.

Harry Potter – John Moxon, Varsity Blues
Harry is great at Quidditch. John Moxon is great at football. But while the others are preoccupied with butter beer and whipped cream bikinis, Mox and Harry are thinking deep thoughts. About their futures. Sure, Mox just wants to get out of his close-minded Texas football town and live the Ivy League life, while Harry is charged with saving the world, but they both have to go against the grain to decide what kind of life to live. And seriously, the whole series of HP books is basically about Harry saying to Voldemort: “I don’t want…your life.”

Hermione Granger – Diane Court, Say Anything
Obviously Hermione would be the valedictorian. Diane Court is very smart, fiercely loyal and slightly socially awkward — just like Miss Granger. She also dates the quintessential underachiever, which would make Ron Lloyd Dobler in this scenario. If he weren’t, you know, magical, I think he would definitely be into kickboxing. Sport of the future. And couldn’t you just see Hermione giving some hapless boy a pen (or perhaps a quill) as a parting gift?

Ron Weasley – Kenny Fisher, Can’t Hardly Wait

Both Kenny and Ron know how to rock the headgear.

Poor Kenny Fisher. He tries so hard to come up with 20 different ways to make the ladies call him Big Poppa, but when it comes down to it, he can’t, yo. And Ron shares his angst. With a best friend like Harry, how can he help but feel inadequate when it comes to getting the ladies? Harry gets Cho Chang and Ron gets…Lavender. But just like Kenny, once Ron stops worrying about being cool, he finds love with his best friend. Heartwarming.

Draco Malfoy – Regina George, Mean Girls
“She’s fabulous, but she’s evil.” So says Damian of Regina George, by way of explanation. Like Ms. George, this boy knows how to dress. Someone’s been studying the wizarding world’s equivalent of GQ (WQ? Please someone make this exist.) While the others are content dressing, like, you know — teenagers, Draco’s not afraid to be outrageously obviously evil by wearing all black suits, ALL THE TIME. And can it really be a coincidence that he and Regina have the exact same hair color? Evil is platinum blonde, apparently. And only wears jeans or track pants on Friday.

Honorable Mentions:

Cormac McLaggen – Steff, Pretty in Pink
This charming douchebag’s got the swagger of a 1980s nouveau riche suburban kid that means he wouldn’t be out of place in a John Hughes classic.

Luna Lovegood – Allison Reynolds, The Breakfast Club
Be honest, can’t you see her using her dandruff to create snow on a drawing? Basketcases unite.

[HP images via Collider]

Who's getting a face tattoo in 10 years? This guy! (photo from Vedia's FlickR)

Former NBA All-Star and current self-parody artist Stephon Marbury is videotaping himself and his daily routine for 24 straight hours. No real context or explaination as to why has been given, but none is really necessary. For those of you like myself who have desk jobs, or even for those who don’t but have a spare lunch hour or some time to kill when you get home, I dare say this link as worth at least a few moments of your time.

24 Hours of Starbury

For those of you who need some sort of background before you just unthinkably click up your anytime minutes…

Disclaimer: I have a general disdain for reality TV. Aside from an admitted fluctuating fascination with The Real World and a very rare guilty pleasure on the side, the medium just doesn’t do much for me. And while I love sports, throwing it in the mix usually only makes things worse. This is obviously more of a reflection on the sorts of professional athletes that seek out these outlets (Dhani Jones’s show being a slight exception, but that barely qualifies as reality TV) than on the direct combination of the two as a concept. Needless to say, I wasn’t really on the edge of my seat waiting for T.O.’s show.

But this is different. I’m not sure exactly why it’s different. But trust me, it is. This… is Stephon Marbury. For those less sports-inclined individuals who may be unfamiliar with the Coney Island-bred basketball prodigy, here’s a very brief rundown. Selected fourth overall in the monumental 1996 NBA Draft (See: Kobe, A.I., Steve Nash, Ray Allen and the perennially underrated Darvin Ham) after a heavily touted high school and college career, Marbury looked poised to start a young dynasty with young Timberwolves big man Kevin Garnett. Then he fell out with management, had a few quietly stellar years in Phoenix and New Jersey, and was then shipped to New York for a four year period that the word fiasco just doesn’t quite seem to do justice, leaving him a current free agent after a few brief months in a respectable role with the Boston Celtics.

His non-basketball affairs have been taken along a similar roller-coaster path of contradictions. He was one of the barrage of athletes and entertainers who went against everything that has to be written in bold in even the most condensed of beginning PR lessons and defended Michael Vick’s actions. But he also has a shoe deal through Steve & Barry’s where his shoes sell for $14.95, which he says he hopes give inner-city youth a chance to afford shoes from an NBA player for the playground. He was implicated in the Isaiah Thomas sexual harassment case for sexual misconduct with an intern, but the woman later testified the activities to be consensual. Also, according to Wikipedia (so far, so good), he is the entire basis of W.W.E. superstar (I used this term loosely, as I’ve never heard of him) M.V.P., who says he had an encounter with Marbury while he was the doorman at a club. Oh yeah, and somewhere in all this The Sporting News placed Marbury on its yearly list of “Good Guys In Sports” three times.

At the very least, he is a fascinating human being whose on-court play mixed with the off-court circus was destined to be overanalyzed and described in grandiose metaphors and prose paragraphs on sites like FreeDarko. Moreover, after everything for some strange reason it’s still sort of hard not to root for the guy in some small way. I can’t help but see a good dude somewhere in Steph mixed with a little bit of crazy that just wants a little bit of love and a place to roam between the baselines and throw the ball behind his head. And this love isn’t the same kind T.O. is seeking through his show. Sure, Steph is an athlete who’s been out of the news cycles for a good couple months now and might just be seeking a little attention here, but he’s had a pretty rough go over the last few years and might just need some hint of love or recognition just the same as you or I. And at the end of the day, while he and T.O. might be seeking this same love, approval and attention, at the end of the day there is no one who could give T.O. more love, approval or attention than T.O. himself. And refreshingly that doesn’t feel like the case for Marbury.

Sidenote: If this diatribe doesn’t sell you, there’s also the fact that this is some real Tracy Jordan stuff going on right here thus far. Apart from freestyle singing/rapping and gibberish words, Marbury has also performed at length what has to go down on record as one of the worst Lil’ Wayne impersonations in history.

[Spotted @ Esquire]

Imagine how good he could play with his eyes open...

Earlier this week the Beasties and Nas teamed up to release a track called “Too Many Rappers.” The collaboration seems logical enough, as the pairing feels like a perpetual Rock The Bells headliner and Nas seems to be the speed-dial lately of most everyone who needs a crotchety old man verse against all the tomfoolery these kids are doing with the dancing and the swag and the pudding pops.

The song is pretty decent and collaboration is noteworthy in theory, but the concept has certainly become a bit played in the rap realm (though we will have a perpetual soft spot for dead prez’s “Hip Hop”). Yeah, we get it. Dudes would have been laughed off your block back in the day for “The Stanky Legg.” And sure, Rick Ross maybe doesn’t really have Pablo Noriega’s name in the ol’ Rolodex. But only rapping about these things makes you seem like those old dudes at the playground convincing the youngbloods the hook shot is the only real shot in basketball. And it’s even trickling down to the youth. Joe Budden seems to be making a career out of this “Wack MC’s” concept, and dude is only 29!

While hip-hop hating didn’t seem so ripe for parody, the concept of writing a song bemoaning your own subgenre still intrigued us. So we thought we’d take a look at five of the most interesting examples of this in some other musical realms. Feel free to add your own personal favorites in the comments.

Click through to see our list.

1. “Art Is Hard” – Cursive

This one comes first because it might be the ballsiest, for a few different reasons. Cursive’s “Art Is Hard” seemed to take on the idea of suffering, over emotionality and the general “woe is me” mindset of much of the rock of its time (2003), more specifically the music of Bright Eyes. The catch: first, Cursive’s music itself gets pretty emotional. Secondly, and possibly more important to their general professional and financial livelihood, the two were labelmates. Bet that was an awkward Christmas mixer…

2. “Songs About Rain” – Gary Allan

This song almost seems like unintentional criticism, but it remains dead-on nonetheless. A piercing ballad about finding out the woman you love just married someone else, Allan uses the concept of a long drive alone with just his thoughts and a country radio station that can only play depressing songs (apparently predominantly about precipitation) to create his mood here. The obvious irony here is that Allan’s song will possibly just be added to someone’s future cataloging of depressing weather-metaphor based songs, but at least that means someone a few years down the road will get to hear this gem.

3. “Karaoke” – T-Pain

Yes, we know. This song sort of derides rappers. Yes, that’s sort of cheating. But we’re not looking at that angle. We’re taking this as what it is: the king of Auto-Tune putting out a preemptive moratorium on Auto-Tune (yeah yeah, for everyone but him, but still…). But this song works on a couple of levels. First, it proves (again) T-Pain is basically in on the joke, making a hard-ass rapping song complete with threat downs and DJ Khaled voiceovers to counter the infestation of rappers using his entirely unhard device in their songs. And the second more baffling reason — in its own weird way, it sort of bangs.

4. “Singer Songwriter” – Okkervil River

From The Stand Ins, the second of Will Sheff and Co.’s backstage musical series, it’s hard to say for certain whether this song is aimed at indie-rock fans or the bands they worship or the scene they both comprise or just some girl Sheff dated sophomore year of college who was really into The Kinks. Regardless, it serves as a dead-on critique on the attainment of cool and status within such scenes through solely through namedropping and taste. And Sheff’s poetic storytelling reminds the listener that what you like and who you are will always be two entirely separate concepts, no matter how cool the stuff you like is.

5. “Radio Radio” – Elvis Costello and the Attractions

This one is sort of the anomaly here. In theory, if it fit with everything else, that would make this an Elvis Costello song against Elvis Costello’s kind of music. But who really wants to take the time to write a song against charming British singer-songwriters with a penchant for storytelling? That’d be like making a song against pizza, or unicorns. No, this falls more into the Gary Allan vein of songs (in this case overly ironically) resembling the exact thing they pick on. “Radio Radio” is a blatant protest of the commercialization of radio and the uniformity of the songs predominantly played on it. And we’re all for that, we guess. Our radio only gets Hot97, so we didn’t realize they played other songs on the medium besides “Best I Ever Had.” But for such a sentiment, it sure is awfully radio-friendly. Yeah, we get it. That’s part of the joke. But sometimes when it comes to irony in protest of bureaucratic entities, less is more, Elvis.

Apparently this dude is really worried about the whole after Labor Day thing...

Normally we don’t post on the unveiling of new soccer kits, but sometimes things like this happen and you just have no choice.

Every now and then, someone from advertising, PR or marketing comes up with that million-dollar idea, like the guy (or girl, but in this case presumably guy) who thought about putting brand names on the butt of female sweatpants. Well, one of the folks at Burger King just put that guy to shame.

So if you’ve watched a professional soccer game say like, ever, you probably at least vaguely remember someone scoring a goal, running like a madman to the corner flag and pulling his jersey up over his face. You know, it shows off those abs and maybe simulates what it would be like if he were a blind man who’d just scored a goal and ran to the corner flag to be adored, I guess. They’re not working with an endzone here, cut ‘em some slack.

In seemingly unrelated news, Spanish La Liga club Getafe CF recently unveiled their new Burger King sponsored uniforms. Upon immediate cheesy photo op, they look just as ridiculously cheesy as a Burger King logo on bright soccer jersey could be expected to.

But wait… there’s more. When you pull the jersey over your head, this happens.

Yes indeedy, boys and girls. Instead of your face, The King basks in your goal with you! Now I know what you’re thinking. This ruins the integrity of the game. This takes advertising beyond its boundaries. This is creepier than the Rio Ferdinand sex tape. Well good golly Batman, aren’t you an Eagle Scout. You’re not not right. But you’re ignoring how shamelessly awesome this promotion is. And hey, lest we forget about the not- so-dapper dandies who could actually use the King as an improvement to their goal-face, like Wayne Rooney.

So while these bad boys will be busy taking La Liga by storm until Getafe’s lawyers can rework the fine print in their sponsorship deal, BSS has some ideas for what to do with all the leftovers shirts after they inevitably become the laughing stock of Spain.

1. MLS

Image By: wjarrettc on FlickR (http://www.flickr.com/photos/wjarrettc/296825656/)

Let’s be real kids. Sure, the USA repped pretty hard in the Confederations Cup, but soccer still lies somewhere in between badminton and the World Scrabble Championships in the ratings. But what does America love in its sporting events? We were looking for free food, but capitalism works too. Throw these bad boys on the Houston Dynamo roster. What’s that you say? Every time they score we get a free Whopper Jr.? Well, dy-no-mite!

2. Ironic hipster wear

Photo By: Adam Digital on FlickR (http://www.flickr.com/photos/adamdigital/295483556/)

D.A.R.E. shirts caught one. Kids who have never heard “The Gambler” wear Kenny Rogers graphic tees. These are even sort of funny without irony. What more can you ask for? And sure, the whole corporation logo thing might discourage some, but the king’s indie beard should cancel any of that nonsense out. I think I saw that dude at P4K last weekend.

3. Incorporate shirt-over-head celebration into everyday life

Just find the right ad guy (hint: probably not the same guy that green-lit this idea in the first place) to make inside t-shirt design this year’s basketball jersey half-on upper torso thing (what up, Ja!). Once this Don Draper of sports cross-promotion works his magic these babies will be hot on the streets in no time and ready to be used for your victorious moments in everyday life. Get a promotion? King it out! Hop up out the bed? Get your king on? Mama cooked the breakfast with no hog? It was a King day! Subway trains on time? Something tells me if you celebrate with the King over your head, you’re gonna get a seat all to yourself. Gooool indeed.

Uniform Photos:  Marca [via ONTD] Seen At: Dirty Tackle

Even our poses are experimental... (Photo: Sarah Cass)

Even in the park
Chilling screams and harmonies
Projected quite well

Dave Longstreth’s Brooklyn collective Dirty Projectors have certainly attained the status of a buzz band. This is neither a good nor a bad thing, merely an observation. But such a buzz can be the result of so many different things: a particular cosign, a glowing review from the right publication, a standout record or even a gimmick. But while the Projectors lie somewhere in the land between the glowing review and the record itself, the recognition they’re getting marks this “buzz” as easily the most endearing type: the long overdue praise and attention showered onto an act that’s been making unique and worthwhile music for nearly a decade and has finally hit its high-water mark. So while it was obviously a free concert with a picturesque backdrop, it’s still sort of heartwarming to see hundreds of people in line to see a band like this.

In saying all this, I had my worries about the actual performance. Their music is layered, booming but polished, a sound that often cannot carry over to an outdoor venue all that effectively, much less one featuring the echo of competitive dodgeball in the distance. The sound could either overpower the band itself or get lost in the crowded park. But it did neither of these things. The louder and chaotic the music became, the more the sound simply engulfed the park and took over, both entirely capturing a crowd with several causes for distraction and creating an even more notable contrast and intimacy to the subtler tracks like “Temecula Sunrise.”

The crowd roared for the intro to “Stillness In The Move” and the song, possibly aided by the backdrop of the river and the city, created a beautiful moment. Then songs like “Rise Above” captured the more dynamic and driving force of the band. But the show-stealing moment was the bizarre intro to “Remade Horizon.” The track begins with frantic, almost yodel-like trade-off vocal harmonies between Amber and Angel. It’s a breathtaking moment, but once that seems unlikely to be reproduced at a live show. But the two women did just that, inspiring the biggest awe of the evening and disproving all my worries less than 30 seconds into the song.