BOSS: The Real Rick Ross Conspiracy

These cards actually have Pablo Noriega on speed dial

If you thought the corrections officer “Perfect Attendance” award was a controversy, then have we got a smoking gun for you (see what we did there?).*

This news story had largely been flying under the radar, but after some extensive research (read: several Google searches and an ad we saw while half-awake on a subway) we’ve got this exclusive scoop for the people.

BSS is admittedly (and frankly embarrassingly) a bit behind the times when it comes to the hierarchy of international calling cards. We got Skype a few years back and sort of figured, well, that’s that. But we’ve recently discovered some pretty interesting things about the world’s number one international calling card company that happen to have some very convenient connections with a certain Def Jam artist.

The Boss card (yes, it’s really called that, because who wouldn’t want a card that says BOSS in giant glossy letters) has set the standard in the international phone-card industry since 2003, obviously implying they’ve been in existence for at least a few years before then. Rick Ross was discovered in 2000 by Suave House (haven’t heard that name in a while huh?). Coincidence? Maybe. But first, let us lay out some facts for you.

Fact, the biggest knock on Ross’ career (sans the potential Ross/Birdman collabo album) to many is the discovery that he was a corrections officer in the state of Florida for several years before trilla was even a fake word. Fact, this probably wouldn’t be such a big deal if his entire rap persona wasn’t based on being “the biggest boss that you’ve seen thus far” and infamously claiming to have Pablo Noriega on speed dial fur use during his everyday hustling. Think about it, would we really care if we found out Mos Def was a cop for a few years before Black On Both Sides? Maybe a few Internet gangstas would hate, but I think most of us would just be like ‘Damn, did that guys vocational aptitude test in high school have like a novel’s worth of results?” Well what if all these contradictions in Ross’ past have one simple explanation his PR team was just too embarrassed to report.

Yes, Ross makes songs about cocaine (see: “Rich Off Cocaine” for example), but who doesn’t nowadays. As The FADER accurately stated recently, pretty much all his songs are about girls, cars and boats these days. And there just aren’t enough quality songs about boats, so play on playa. But much of the disapproval comes from his bold “boss” claims and the semi-ridiculous speed-dial remark. However, when you look at it in connection with the phone card company, it all starts to come together.

What if Ricky got in on this widely growing company early in the game (a la his famous sparring partner and Vitamin Water) and much of the beginning of his hip-hop career was a combination of reaping the benefits on sponsorship and shameless self-promotion on the part of the folks at Boss. He’s the “biggest boss” because not only is he a part of their company, but their biggest customer. And he has Pablo Noriega on speed dial because why not? BOSS’s rates from Florida Cuba are pretty fantastic ($1.50 a minute!), throw the whole family into that address book.

Somewhere along the way it can be assumed the company realized the company realized a rapper solely pushing phone-cards probably wouldn’t garner much cultural pull (you think that Orbit “dirty mouth guy is the next Dizzee Rascal?) and went with more of a subliminal tactic in hopes of a bigger payoff at the end, but the timeline is all there.

So now that this is out of the bag once and for all, we hope that next year when a fourth consecutive Rick Ross album inexplicably goes number one you’ll be able to accept it as the assumedly mediocre rap album it is, without worrying about the man’s past, present or future. Yes, under his drivers license and 19 credit cards may lie a C.O. certificate, but we also know there’s a shiny yellow and green card with four capital letters, and no one can argue with block letters.

*For the sake of not being sued by BOSS or Def Jam, this is all, of course, hypothetical at this point, and generally unfounded.